Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
