did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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