I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how do flat chested girls get laid?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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