Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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