Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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