At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
