I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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