dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
