I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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