last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
