his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
