am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
