Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
