Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm getting married
To pizza
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
