Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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