Nicole vs. Life
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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