I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
