You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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