Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize