I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
