Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
