Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
