I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
