You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize