Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
