i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
