I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
