so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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