Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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