Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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