I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
