you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize