took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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