and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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