i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
