My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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