You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
