What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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