I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
