If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize