I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
