im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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