yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
