fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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