Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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