youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize