your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
