i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
