if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
