can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
