i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
