mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize