I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
