i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
