I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
