I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Come on in and take your pants off
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