dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You left your phone here
Wait...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
