So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
