you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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