Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
