You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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