After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
