Apparently you make a good broom.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize