you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This house was built for laser tag.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
