i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
