He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
