I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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