if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
