I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
