he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
