We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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