I will die if light touches me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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