Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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