just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize