it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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