he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
