my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
