nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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