i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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