I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
be right there i have to get my cape
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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