i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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