Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
