What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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