I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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