I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
