I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
