Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
