Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize