Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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