I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Text me some of your sweat
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
