I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
