Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
