When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
